It's okay, I am use to it.

For nearly my whole entire life, I have always been an over achiever. Kristy always got more gold stars then most people. Who would have thought that I would have royally messed up my life. I graduated on time with a baby, most people don't do that, but me, I am smart enough to graduate with triplets.
I had my son and he is great! He is a pretty good kid and I am with his dad (currently) which also most teenagers are not. I know that after I had my baby at least 20 other people i knew that were still in school had kids. The majority did not graduate or have not yet graduated. Also the majority are also not with their baby's dad's.
So honestly I'm looking like a pretty shiny nickel right about now aren't I? Well thats what most people think. The truth is, I am far from a shiny nickel. I'm a dirty penny on the street no one will even pick up.
After graduation I had such high hopes, and a bright future. I was an honor roll student and I graduated with enough credits to graduate twice. However I did the most stupid thing I swore that I would not do after witnessing my sister go through not doing.
I should have gone straight into post secondary I would have been half way done. However I didnt do anything right after highschool. BIG MISTAKE. Now i am turning 20 in march and nothing. no school no job no career.
Im so upset with the way that life turned out for me, of course i dont regret my son he is an amazing little boy. Its me, i wish that i could still be a size1-3 in jeans Xs in shirts. but im not I wish that I could travel the world, go to university in the states, and do something more than i am now, writing a blog bitching about it. I mean it really is my own fault i guess but the thing is i want to get as far away from this god damn town as i can. I just want to runaway and leave and not have to look back. All the people that I went to school with get to live in paris and dominican and go travelling and see the world but i cant even go to alberta for the weekend without getting bitched at by someone and called a bad mother by someone. Im still so young and I still have all this potential and i feel like the person that I am with doesnt really care enough to support me in my time of need.
I really wish that I could go travel the united states of america but the fiuthest ive been is bellingham WA. thats only a half hour drive from the sheltered little suburb Delta BC canada. And lets face it being like 2 minutes away from surrey is honestly just brutal all these little brown people walking around with their colorful shoes and their glitter hats and their stupid flowery skull sweaters. and they talk like the are from brooklyn, sadly enough little brown boys. Your not from brooklyn and the majority of people that are in vancouver that are white dont want you there either. You should be in india in their hunble opinions. And whatever its their opinion and they are intitled to it, i myself have never been a racial person however surrey officially and even the most parts of north delta have been slowly but surely taken over by sikhs.
Thats honestly another reason that I want to get out of this god damn place and i never will. but thats okay my happiness doesnt mean anything to anyone else.

Should I stay or should I go?

So for the past year and a half, coming up on two years in feburary chris and i have been together and things have had there rocky moments but the good usually out weighs the bad. I have a lot on my mind all the time. Ironically enough for the past couple years that weve been together i have been feeling very down. At first i thought it was just being a teenager mother and having lost a lot of friends to provide for my son at such a young age instead of going out and partying. So I was getting very depressed and stressed out. Long story short I was put on an anti depressant. Thinking that it was because of being a mother this whole time till just recently. before me and my babys dad got back together i think that i was pretty happy.. i mean not completely happy i wanted to be with him but i wasnt feeling the way i was feeling during the last year. COULD IT BE FROM MY BOYFRIEND?? all these possibilities piling up in my head. I love him so much but at the same time, somethings telling me that he DOESNT love me back and that all my ex friends that said he is only with me because of our son and hes only with you so you dont fuck him over for child support, i guess alll the negativity from my friends is piling up in my head. I feel like im being taken for granted of. I know it was a joke but today he called me cunt and hooker and i know it was a joke but it really pissed me off. And to boot he hit me with some books i know we were just play fighting i mean i hit him back with the books and it was lightly but fuck, i wish he had a little bit more appreciation for the woman that gave birth to his child. to his first son.
He says that he never wants to get married. WHY NOT??!! That really bugs me considering that i have always had this image in my head that gave me the title of wife and a man the title of huband.
either i can have the image in my head my whole life and be happy and him be miserable. Or should I let him have his way like always and give up my dreams even though i did enough of giving up on my dreams being a teenage mother and for the first six months a single teenage mother and let him be happy and not married.
WHAT SHOULD I DO!!??? SHOULD I STAY AND BE UPSET AND NOT HAPPY THE REST OF MY LIFE HAVING MY DREAMS CONTINIOUSLY CRUSHED AND MY LIFE FULL OF DISOPOINTMENT SHOULD I GO AND BE UNHAPPY THAT I LOST THE ONE GUY THAT I ALWAYS LOVED AND ALWAYS WILL. AND FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL MARRY ME OR SHOULD I JUST LET HIM HAVE HIS WAY LIKE ALWAYS?!
i mean im not saying that he needs to ask me to marry him tomorrow and have our wedding in a week but make an effort be engaged for a while i mean i dont think there is anything that wrong with me.
He said this afternoon when he though that we were "play fighting" how do you even have a boyfriend that honestly realllly fucking pissed me off. like i am your girlfriend how dare you fucking say that to me. like if im such a shitty person why dont you just break the fuck up with me?? hes being really rude lately and i know that he thinks its a joke i know that he thinks that we are playing but c'mon i am honestly at my wits end with this whole situation. im soo worn out and tired. more of a jaded feeling.. little bit of both.

Dreams are funny hey?

i had a dream i was having a bath with my boyfriends friend.. what does that mean?

TOP THINGS ID RATHER DO THEN RUN INTO YOU

ID RATHER SHAVE MY HEAD
ID RATHERBE HUNTED DOWN BY TIGERS.
ID RATHER BE STRUCK BY LIGHTENING.. TWICE.
ID RATHER CUT MY BELLY BUTTON OFF AND SEW IT TO MY FOREHEAD
ID RATHER DANCE LIKE AN IDIOT ON A PUBLIC BUS OR SKYTRAIN DOWNTOWN
ID RATHER EAT WEEK OLD GARBARGE
ID RATHER CLEAN MYSELF WITH A SOAPED UP PORCUPINE
ID RATHER BE SOME LOSERS ONE NIGHT STAND
ID RATHER BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY GSP!
ID RATHERLEAVE A 9 VOLT BATTERY ON MY TONGUE FOR 3 DAYS
ID RATHER CRASH MY CAR INTO A SEMI TRUCK ON A HIGHWAY.. AGAIN
ID RATHER DROWNED IN A BATHTUB
ID RATHER CUT MY HANDS OFF
ID RATHER SMELL A SWEATY MANS AFTER WORK OUT ARMPIT
ID RATHER WALK THROUGH THE MALL NAKED
ID RATHER CHOKE MYSELF WITH A CABLE CORD
ID RATHER BE LEFT FOR DEAD ON AN UNCHARTED DESERT ISLAND
ID RATHER  DIE IN MY CLOSET DURING A HOUSE FIRE
ID RATHER BREAK MY NOSE.. ON PURPOSE
ID RATHER  ROLL IN A MUD PUDDLE IN AN EXPENSIVE DRESS ON MY WEDDING DAY
ID RATHER EAT A PILE OF LEAVES AND DRINK OCEAN WATER
ID RATHER WEAR CLOTHING MADE OUT OF PUBIC HAIR FROM MULTIPLE MEN
ID RATHER THROW UP ON THE PRESIDENT
ID RATHER SNORT A TRAIL OF ANTS
ID RATHER SAW MY EARS OFF AND STAB MY EYES OUT
ID RATHER LIGHT MYSELF ON FIRE AND RUN TO A GAS STATION
ID RATHER LICK AN ELEVATOR BUTTON AT THE SURREY SKYTRAIN.
ID RATHER SLIP ON A BANANA PEEL AND BREAK MY NECK DOWN THE STAIRS.
ID RATHER LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO A SUMO WRESTLER.
ID RATHER GET SMACKED IN THE FACE BY A HOCKEY PUCK
ID RATHER GET STAP STEAK TO ME AND GO INTO A BEAR CAGE.
ID RATHER BATHE WITH MY HAIR DRYER.
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT ID RATHER DO THAN RUN INTO YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.. 

lets hear it for the delta police department

So back in September a young girl at the age of 15 was brutally beaten in a suburb park in broad daylight. Literally 1:00pm. Laura Szendrei was the young and beautiful teenage girls name. As a shock to the community in our small town many people stopped and paid their respects to the memorial outside the park. So personally not knowing the young lady however having many friends on facebook in common I though that I should pay my respects because no parent should have to burry their own child especially at such a young age the young teen, Laura did not get to expirience much out of life.
My friend Jessica, or as I refer to her as "jimmy" said when she heard about the brutal beating of the young teen "what a waste of raising a child." now some people think thats a little harsh to say however I couldnt agree with her much more. As a young mother myself I would be appauled and disgusted knowing this had happened to my child. Not to mention it was only a few weeks into the school year so her parents unfortunately spent money on new clothes and school supplies. Regardless you can not put a price on love or your childeren.
The young teen was a sports player I heard she played soccer. That can be an expensive sport, so for someone to take the young girls life is just dispicable.
I was so sure that this case was going to turn into a "cold case file" but like I said we live in a small suburb. So with the amount of tips that were sent out and the dedication of her parents and the community but lets not forget the most important people who dedicated their time, The North Delta police department the person that killed her was arrested on February 22nd 2010. When I heard that I was so happy for her parents to have some sort of closure. However at what cost? Knowing the killer isnt going to bring their beloved daughter back. It will never fufill the empty hole in their heart that is not coming home to seeing their daughters smile, or going to her game, seeing her report card and finally finish raising their child.
I was personally shocked when I found out the person who killed her was my age, I was even more shocked to know he went to my school and way more shocked to know he was the kid that sat in my grade nine or 10 english class I dont really remember. The kid that I graduated with.
Now in my opinion the young man who was little and looked like a pretty decent kid had done something like this, now I am not one to judge others because I too myself am not perfect but I think that this kid can never make up for what he has done. He can never make his life better and he deserves to deal with this heavy burden hannging over him the rest of his life.
They are saying that he was a juvenile at the time so his name can not be released and I respect that however he had a late birthday and anyone with morals knows that killing someone or even if on accident beating up someone and a girl by the way is just wrong. Morally wrong.

I write this blog to let the public know, not that I am a big name blogger that this tragedy that has been put upon my town and the Szendrei family has been solved and to always remember these words to live by, "you cant judge a book by its cover" and one of my own phrases I just made up right now "The person may be caught, but that wont bring back the emptyness their family and friends will have forever in their hearts"

I would like to extend my sarrow to the Szendrei family for all that they have had to go through since the fall, and my heart and sympathy are with you.

love kristy xox

IM NOT GONNA MESS IT UP WITH A TEENAGE PREGNANCY

cutting a teenager down and using quotes like mess up my life really doesn't make teenage girls feel much better in fact makes them feel irresponsible and surely societies opinion on teen moms is so negative thats why there is always a fist full of young women rushing to the abortion clinic.
well stayteen.org ill tell you this much im not saying that every girl out there should be having unprotected sex and having babies. However thatt slogan needs to be changed because it is rude and insulting and definitely not applied to every teen mom out there like myself and numerous friends of mine too that got pregnant when they were young as well.
my son is 16 months, he is adorable. He is loved and he will have everything cause he has a hardworking father who would give him anything and a mother who is going to be successful.
Not only do I think that quote in their commercials should be retracted but I also think that an apology to teenage mothers should be publicized. 
I think that me being a teenage mom makes me know that just because some people and the media for that matter portray teen moms as party girls or drop outs what about the ones that made themselves better? what about the fact that some people hear they are pregnant and smarten up, because that is how it worked for me and plenty other young ladies I know.
the slogan im not going to mess it up with a teenage pregnancy, now thats just inappropriate and I feel like as a teenage mom it has been directed to me and many people i know who are teen moms as well.